Trust (Life Form.)

"Do not lock yourself in a box-- always afraid to fail and afraid to make a mistake."

We watched this video the end of our class last week. You want to know what my biggest area of fear used to be? (used to-- Praise God!) I used to be so afraid of disobeying God, accidentally. Not because I was afraid God wouldn't love me anymore, not even because I was afraid He would be upset with me... just because I REALLY wanted to make decisions that honored God.

God has given me a very sensitive heart. Very sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. But a tender heart can turn into an over analytical heart. It is easy for me to allow a little feeling of doubt to make me think, "Oh, wait, maybe I was wrong-- what if God actually meant this rather than that... maybe I made it all up."
Ah. But God is telling me to put the sword down. To stop internally warring when I can just trust instead. I love that I am sensitive to the Lord and to people. I am so grateful God has developed that in me. But God has also developed a rooted and reassuring peace in me. He's given me a sound mind.

On Saturday, in a really beautiful prayer time, I believe God spoke something to me that would seem really strange to anyone I shared it with. (That's why I've only talked to my Mom about it, she has to love me unconditionally, ;) ) . All I asked though, is that as confirmation, God would give me a really deep and lasting peace about this situation. And He did.

And in prayer times since, I've experienced the same thing: peace about a decision that kind of blows my mind.
So this is challenging me in a number of areas, this thought that fear locks me in a box. I don't want to be a Christian who hangs onto the balance beam my entire life and then gets off, goes into eternity and can only show how safe I was. I LOVE adventure. I love trying new things and living an abundant life-- so fun and so full because you're living it with God.

So instead of trusting a heart that will sometimes be scared, sometimes worried, sometimes passionate-- I'll trust the Word of God spoken to me. I'll stand up on the balance beam and walk in confidence and obedience-- knowing that in His sovereignty and mercy, God can and will turn me around if I start to head the wrong way without realizing it.

Today, I'll walk in faith and trust instead of fear and doubt.